Feline Fun
by Lynn Jones
Summary: Celty accidentally turns Shinra into a cat, sparking a chain of transformations that the cast of System Error will have to figure out how to deal with. Not actually related to the plot. IzayaxOC. ShizuoxOC.
1. Shinra and Aliens

**Who's excited for Season 2?! In honor of the announcement, I'm doing a ficlet where several characters get to experience life as CATS!**

**Disclaimer: I own one cat, but sadly he is not the feline version of any DRRR! characters (I don't own them in any form). He is just old and fat and lazy. Though his name is Simon, so maybe he's a former sushi chef. **

Celty tilted her head, eying the label on the bottle in her hand. The liquid inside was supposedly guaranteed to make your significant other keep their hands to themselves in public. She wasn't sure how it worked, but she checked the ingredients and didn't see anything that she recognized as toxic. Plus, Shinra _had_ been extra grabby lately, and while she didn't mind as much anymore, it had been a little annoying. Maybe this would help.

She bought the bottle and slipped a dose of the liquid into Shinra's food that night.

The next morning, she woke up next to a brown tabby cat.

Confusion flooded her, and she leaped up. Why was there a cat in the bed?! Where was Shinra?! The Dullahan scooped up the tabby and carried it through the apartment as she searched for Shinra. The underground doctor was nowhere to be seen, and he hadn't left a note either. She tried texting his phone, but found it next to the bed, where he left it at night.

_Where is Shinra?!_

Meanwhile, the cat in her arms grew increasingly difficult to hold as it squirmed around, trying to jump out of her arms. Unwilling to let the little animal scamper around the apartment on its own, she tightened her hold on the feline, drawing a frustrated yowl from it.

Holding the cat tightly with one arm, Celty used the other to pick up her PDA and type on it for a second.

'Quit squirming!' she ordered showing the screen to the unhappy tabby. To her surprise, the cat paused in its wriggling and stared at the screen. Then the cat reached out with one forepaw, batting at the keys hopefully, ears pricked. Celty would have frowned if she had a head, and moved the PDA out of the cat's reach. She didn't want the tabby batting the device out of her hand. As she did so, though, the feline let out a pitiful, frustrated mewl. Eyeing the cat suspiciously, she typed, 'If you break my PDA, I'm going to have Shinra dissect you.' When she showed the cat the screen again, it paused as though reading the words.

Celty shuddered. Was the cat _reading_ the words? Cats couldn't read, could they?

_What if it's not a real cat? What if it's a robot? Or an alien?! What if alien cats kidnapped Shinra?!_

The cat was pawing at the keys again, firmly enough to press them, but not enough to knock the device out of Celty's suddenly-terrified death grip on the device. She snatched the PDA away from the feline again and dropped it, not wanting the alien to be in contact with any part of her. Instead of running off, though, the cat sat at her feet and stared up at her, wide brown eyes somehow familiar as it looked pleadingly from her to the PDA.

_Does it want me to look at the screen?_ Celty wondered. In spite of her fear of the possible alien at her feet, she glanced at the device in her hand and did a double-take.

The cat's pawing had either been very lucky…or intentional.

'I am Shinra,' the screen read. Celty would have shrieked if she had a mouth to shriek with.

The cat could not only read, but type!

While Celty was still trying to process this, there was a knock at the door. She quickly exchanged her pajamas for her black shadow bodysuit and donned her helmet just in case before she went to answer the door.

Shizuo Heiwajima stood there.

"Hey," he greeted her. "Did you pick up Rimiko's birthday present yesterday?" Celty nodded shakily, trying to focus as the tabby padded up and began weaving around her ankles.

'Of course I did. It's in the living room,' she told him, showing him the screen of her PDA. He nodded.

"Mind if I get it?" he asked. When she shook her helmet, he stepped past her into the apartment, and nearly tripped over the cat. "What the-? Celty, when did you get a cat?" he asked.

'He's not mine,' she responded immediately. Then she remembered the words the cat had left on the screen. _'I am Shinra.'_ Maybe it wasn't luck. Maybe…maybe the aliens had turned Shinra into a cat!

_Does that make it my cat?_ she wondered.

"Oh. Shinra's not doing some weird experiment with the thing, is he?" Shizuo asked, going to fetch the package Celty had picked up for him the day before. As if responding to the blond's words, the cat leaped forward and tried to sink its teeth into Shizuo's ankle, but only got a mouthful of fabric as the bartender uniform thwarted the cat's attack. Celty froze, half expecting the bodyguard to rage and kick the little feline, but instead, her friend just frowned. "Is that supposed to hurt?" he muttered, picking the cat up by the scruff of its neck and glaring at it.

'Don't hurt it!' Celty exclaimed. If the aliens really _had_ turned the underground doctor into the tabby before her, she couldn't have Shizuo hurting him, even accidentally.

"Relax," Shizuo sighed. Then he took a closer look at the cat. "There's something weird about this cat," he muttered, setting the package down and gently poking at the cat. Said feline stared up at Shizuo with liquid brown eyes, clearly terrified. The blond frowned and reached out toward the cat's face. This was a mistake.

As soon as his finger came into range, the cat snapped its jaws and bit down on the bodyguard's finger, puncturing the skin and drawing blood. If the cat expected a reaction, though, it was disappointed, because Shizuo didn't even blink.

"Again, was that supposed to hurt?" he asked. The cat appeared to be gaping at him, jaw loose and eyes wide. "Weird cat," he muttered, dropping the feline. The tabby yowled in surprise and landed awkwardly.

'Are you okay?' Celty asked. Shizuo nodded.

"I should get back to Ani," he said. "See you later." Then he picked up the package and left. Celty turned to the cat, watching it warily.

'Shinra?' she asked, holding the screen so the cat could see. The creature nodded, and the Dullahan shuddered.

_The aliens really DID turn Shinra into a cat!_


	2. Shizuo and Petting

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my OCs (although there are a lot of those by this point.)**

Shizuo let out a sigh of relief when he got home and found Tania and Rimiko weren't back yet. He could hide the package without worrying about his daughter finding her present early. Once the package had been properly hidden, the blond found himself unusually tired, and decided to lay down on the couch for a nap while he waited for his wife and daughter to get home.

When Tania opened the door and let Rimiko dart into the house, she frowned. Where was Shizuo? He should've beaten them home, and when that happened, he usually came to greet her at the door. Maybe he was in the bathroom or something.

"Mom! Mom, look!" Rimiko, who had dashed off into the apartment as soon as the door had opened enough for her to fit through, came skipping back to her mother with what appeared to be a large bundle of golden brown fur.

"Rimi-chan…is that a cat?" Tania asked, astonished. The girl beamed.

"Yep! Feel how soft he is, mom!" How had a cat gotten into the apartment? The feline – which was large for a house cat, with its shaggy gold fur making it seem even larger than it actually was – blinked up at Tania with huge brown eyes. There seemed to be an odd mixture of emotions in the cat's gaze – hope and fear and anger and love – and Tania wondered if maybe she was dreaming because that cat looked _so familiar_ somehow, but she was positive she had never seen a cat like this before.

"Where did you find him?" the teacher asked. Her daughter grinned.

"On the couch, tangled up in one of Dad's outfits," Rimiko answered cheerfully. Tania blinked. Why on earth…? Her phone chimed, alerting her to a new text message. When she checked, she saw it was from Celty, and dread filled her. Had something happened to Shizuo when he went to Celty and Shinra's home to fetch the package? Was Celty texting to tell her that her husband was hurt?

'I'm really sorry, but Shizuo may turn into a cat if he hasn't already.'

Tania blinked. What…? It wasn't like Celty to make jokes like that. Involuntarily, Tania glanced at the now-somewhat-disgruntled cat in her daughter's arms and watched for a moment as Rimiko cooed over the feline, petting it and cuddling it.

"Mom, can we keep him?" Rimiko asked, staring up at her mother pleadingly, her caramel-colored eyes wide and hopeful. That look was usually enough to make her father cave in and agree to pretty much anything (there was a memorable incident of him allowing Rimiko to put ribbons in his hair and her using that look to get him to wear them to work), but Tania – who occasionally resorted to using a similar expression to convince her husband to cooperate – steeled herself and shook her head.

"Look how healthy he looks. He's probably somebody's pet. We can't keep him," she told her daughter, who sighed dejectedly. "You know we can't have pets in the apartment anyway. We should take it to the shelter, in case someone is looking for him."

"I know…" the girl pouted, cuddling the large cat even more now that she knew it would have to leave soon. Tania's phone chimed again. Another message from Celty.

'I know you probably won't believe me, but I accidentally turned Shinra into a cat overnight. He bit Shizuo's finger, so Shizuo might turn into a cat too!'

Tania blinked. Now that she thought about it…the cat's golden brown fur looked like a mix between her husband's natural hair color and the dye he used.

_Now is not the time to play jokes, Celty. Not when there is a large cat with fur that's very similar to Shizuo's hair color and eyes exactly like his… _Another chime, another text. Tania grimaced.

'I swear I'm not joking! Shinra turned back after a couple of hours, but he says he doesn't know how long it'll last for Shizuo!'

'All right already,' Tania replied. 'Rimiko just found a large golden-brown cat. You don't think…'

'OH NO! SHIZUO!' The teacher sighed at the Dullahan's reaction.

_Great. Just great._

"Rimi-chan, let me hold the cat for a minute. I'll check to see if he has a microchip," she said out loud. Her daughter reluctantly held the animal up to her. Tania took it and settled the feline comfortably in her arms, muttering under her breath, "Zuo, if that's you, I'm going to kill Shinra." The cat twisted around to look at her, brown eyes wide. "Does that mean it _is_ you?"

The cat nodded.

"Darn you Shinra," Tania growled, mindful of the girl watching her and the golden-brown cat she was holding solemnly. There was a knock at the door. Without thinking, Tania shoved her phone into her pocket and held the cat with her other hand, reaching out to open the door.

Arlua and Izaya stood outside.

_Oh yeah. Arlua said she wanted to stop by to have a look at the computer, since it's running slowly,_ Tania remembered. The teacher opened her mouth to greet her friend, ignoring the informant. Before she could say anything, though, the cat in her arms let out a furious yowl and launched itself out of her hold, flinging itself at the information broker. The cat's teeth sank into Izaya's arm, drawing an enraged shout from the informant.

_Oh, crap. Is the flea going to turn into a cat too?!_


	3. Izaya and Ootoro

**Disclaimer: once again, I own only my OCs!~**

"Um…nice cat?" Arlua tried, eying the golden-brown feline uncertainly as it clung to her boyfriend's arm, it's teeth piercing his skin.

"Figures that the monster's cat would have disgusting strength just like him," Izaya spat, wincing at the pain and trying to pry the cat's jaws out of his arm. He glared at it, noticing that the creature had bitten right through his jacket.

"Dad's strength isn't disgusting!" Rimiko protested from behind Tania. "Say that again and I'll kick you, flea!" Izaya barely glanced at the girl. Meanwhile, Tania and Arlua seemed to be having a quiet discussion, ignoring the growling of the cat and the frustration of the informant it was biting.

"Lu-chan, quit chatting with her and help me!" Izaya demanded. The feline bit down harder, drawing a hiss from the man whose arm his fangs were gripping. The technician hid a smile.

"Actually, you'll have to ask Tania to help if you want that particular cat off of you," she said mysteriously. Izaya frowned at her, but turned to Tania anyway. The teacher was _smirking_.

"Zuo, enough. If you hurt him too badly, Arlua will keep him here to doctor him, and you don't want that," Tania pointed out. The cat lashed its tail and growled, while the informant blinked in surprise, momentarily forgetting the cat.

"Zuo?" he repeated. "You named your cat after your husband? That's just weird, Ani-chan," he announced.

"Actually, my husband turned into a cat," she replied lightly. Izaya gaped at her.

"You seriously expect me to…believe…" he trailed off as an odd feeling began to creep through his body. "What the…"

Arlua glanced nervously at Tania as Izaya collapsed.

"He'll be fine. He's probably just turning into a cat, too," the teacher told her. Arlua sighed.

"Wonderful." A moment later, when they looked at the information broker, the black-haired man had been replaced by a lithe, wide-eyed, black-pelted cat with one foreleg still clamped in the jaws of the golden brown cat. "Oh dear…"

There was a long moment as the two cats stared at each other. The black one let out a questioning mew, and the golden one hissed and released the slender black foreleg. Crimson drops hit the floor as blood dripped from the wound on the black cat's foreleg. The smaller animal laid its injured paw on the floor as though testing to see if it would hold its weight. Apparently satisfied with its ability to stand, the cat then deftly swiped its claws across the larger animal's muzzle.

Cat-Shizuo practically _shrieked_ in rage and lunged for the darker feline, who simply darted away. The golden cat gave chase, but the black one was quick enough to reach Arlua and leap upwards, landing in her arms. The golden cat launched himself after the black, only to be snatched out of the air by Tania.

"Enough cat fighting, you two," Arlua quipped, drawing disgusted glares from both felines. She laughed.

"Relax, Shinra says this is temporary," Tania assured them. The golden cat froze, staring at Tania in horror. She seemed to read his thoughts, nodding and confirming, "Celty says the cat that bit you was Shinra. That's why you turned into a cat, and it's why the flea is a cat now too." The black cat in Arlua's arms hissed, and she scratched the soft fur behind his ears. To her surprise, the feline quieted under her touch, then began purring after a moment.

"How long was Shinra stuck as a cat?" the technician asked.

"No idea. He turned during the night some time and Celty found him when she woke up. It could be two hours, or it could be twelve," Tania replied, shrugging and handing the large golden-brown cat to Rimiko, who stared at it.

"Daddy…?" The cat sighed and rested its chin on her shoulder. "Don't worry, Dad. It'll wear off." A soft noise came from the cat Arlua was holding, sounding like a mix between a purr and a snort.

"Oh, hush," the technician snapped. Then she glanced at Tania. "I can go ahead and work on your computer, if Izzy here promises to behave," she said. The lithe feline widened its eyes innocently at her, and she kissed the top of his head. "If you behave, I'll buy you ootoro on the way home." The cat's ears pricked up. She laughed and carried him to Tania's desk and set him next to the comuter. "Tania, would you bring me some bandages? I don't want him to lose too much blood."

An hour and a half later, Arlua set a takeout bag of ootoro on the table in the small kitchen area of one of their many Ikebukuro apartments. Izaya -still in the form of a lithe black cat- leaped onto the table beside the bag and pawed at it impatiently.

"Oh, relax. It's not like I'm going to let it go bad," she sighed. "Here." The technician took the food out and set it on a tray. "I should totally put it in a bowl on the floor," she mused wickedly. The feline shot her a glare that promised dire consequences if she attempted such a thing. She smirked and set the tray in front of him. The informant shot her one last warning look before he gathered his haunches underneath himself and wrapped his tail around his paws neatly. Only once his feline form was properly situated did he lower his head to eat.

When Arlua got a text from Tania telling her that Shizuo had returned to his normal human form, the technician got her phone's camera ready. Izaya was only halfway done with the tray of ootoro when he suddenly changed back, and sat there for a long moment, crouching by the tray in his human form. A soft click made him look up, and he saw his girlfriend standing there laughing, phone in hand.

"You look ridiculous, Izzy," she cackled. He gave her a baleful glare, then hurriedly got off the table as he noticed her raising the phone to take another picture.

"I'll get you for that," he announced sourly.


End file.
